Enemy of Fear is Creativity

I just had an ahaaaaa moment.
The last few weeks have been tough.
I haven't really been myself. I have less of a pep and the inner critic inside me has been fighting its way to the surface.
I have been so confused on why I feel this way.
It's a level of insecurity mixed in with an unwillingness to do the things I love.
I have drowned myself in things that are meaningless - binge tv anyone?
I haven't read, I haven't written, I haven't meditated, I haven't exercised.
Needless to say, I haven't felt fulfilled.

I blamed it all, blamed everyone else.

Though, the reality of life is there is no one to blame.
One makes decisions for their own life, for their own existence and for their own happiness.
And living in this insecurity in my brain was a decision that I CHOSE to make.

So today I listened to a podcast featuring Seth Godin and his words echoed through my brain.

The podcast specifically surrounded his new book around personal responsibility.
"Reassurance is Futile" he claimed.
Now that is quite the statement. Reassurance is what calms that inner critic, isn't it?
"When is it enough reassurance?" Seth questions.
After all, it is never enough. When you get used to a certain level of constant encouragement and pats on the back, that becomes the new normal. Then you want more. When is it enough?

The key is to overcome fear. Overcome insecurities. Be your own re-assurance.

But I wasn't afraid, was I?

"The enemy of fear is creativity.

When you find yourself getting stuck it’ll sound like 'Not Feeling Like It'

'Not feeling like it' doesn’t mean you are losing your thirst.  

This is ways you express your fear.

Fears are hiding out. We are resisting.

Creating a habit and then fear will go away.

Call it out, label it, do something creative."

Turns out the emotion I was masking was fear.
Fear of the unknown, fear of what is to come, fear of dealing with the new realities of my professional life.

The thing about fear is you can't ignore it. It exists, it persists, and it wants you to know it has arrived.
Key is to accept that it may rear it's head and create habits that meet it face to face. Then slowly these habits transform your ideology of what one finds fearful.

So I decided to write. To call out this fear, and to slowly incorporate creativity to transform it.

Follow Your Bliss

It's confusion.
I've spent some time trying to pin point what this is.
Now that the stress has declined, the deadlines are pushed back, our mode is in "wait and see", the truth in the feelings suddenly arise.
And what is this I feel? I've wondered that for the past week. During my sleep ins and exhaustion that has finally set after two weeks of non stop chaos.
What is this pit in my stomach, this cloud in my head, this thing that won't let me sleep through the night.
It's confusion.

When you trust where you are, when you trust those around you, and when you believe people have your back - I mean TRULY have your back, then a person is in a sense of peacefulness.
You know that no matter what happens the people around you have your best interest at heart.
They acknowledge, appreciate and are aware of your dedication. They understand your motivation. They know you inside and out and will be there to pull you out of the fire if that's what you need.
See that's where we are comfortable. And I don't believe that comfort leads to mediocrity. I believe that comfort leads to the confidence to take risks. Because you know a team is behind you that will back the risks that you take. They know it'll all be well, and they are working with you to get there.

Do I believe all will be well? Of course I do. That is my outlook on life. It will ALWAYS be well.
That said there is this poison in the well. There is something in the pit of my stomach that isn't sitting well. There are people that I don't believe have my back. There is change that I believe is still to come. There are many who are ok with being ok. Fine with doing work that is just fine. Unwilling to get out of THEIR comfort zone, when their comfort zone is mediocrity.

I don't believe in that. My comfort zone is risk. My comfort zone is extraordinary. My comfort zone is leadership. My comfort zone is positivity.

And I am being dragged mentally OUT of my comfort zone. Into a zone of fear, stress, negativity, ego, aggravation, unwillingness, insecurity. The environment that once for me was full of positive experiences, mentorship, and love has turned into a place where I am fearful that people do not have my back.

I've learned the difficult lesson as I become more senior in my career that this is something I'm going to have to deal with. I'm going to have to learn how to mentally separate myself from the masses. From their willingness to be stuck in their ways.
It is proving to be more challenging than I would've thought. I always believed I could pull myself away, but sometimes it takes hard work to do so.

That said, I believe in what I do. I believe in my abilities, I believe in this brain of mine.
I know that time will bring positive change.
I know that there are people out there looking out for me.
I need to keep moving forward, inspire myself, and continue this path I have laid out for myself.
Ignore the naysayers, and follow my bliss.

Silent Musings

Creativity is a funny thing.
It strikes when you least expect it, and when you really really need it, it may not be ready for you.
See I feel like a clear mind is the most inspired. When a mind is at rest it is able to see things in a much clearer way than it would otherwise.
It's very much aligned to the Yogi principles.
Understanding when and where you are inspired are just as important as being inspired.
This is what allows true creatives to be able to come up with ideas quicker and easier than others.
My "happy place" is by the water. I'm not sure what it is about the water, but there is an essential sense of calm that goes through my mind. The winter is not easy for me, much like the rest of the population. But I know even a weekend near the water is enough for me to break out of whatever funk my brain is in.
As a writer I know when the words are a-flowing. I know when the ideas are coming clear. When my brain is far too cluttered to even think straight, I know I need a weekend away from the clutter in order to think clear.
I think the key to knowing how to move forward is understanding yourself.
And those who can figure it out, are more likely to succeed than those who ignore it.
I decided a long time ago to live life for myself and part of that meant accepting all forms of who I am. The idea that I needed to be creatively stimulated used to come from long angry entries in my journal, my only way to express myself. Through that anger, through that pain, I found a voice. I learned that I couldn't ignore the crazy voices in my head, because those voices lead to some of the most inspired work I had ever done. Using my emotion in a way that was compelling, impactful, beautiful.
And from there creativity became my saviour. It allowed me to be one with myself in a way that others probably wouldn't understand.
It is a blessing, and sometimes it can feel like a curse. But it is an essential part of who I am.
So I embrace it, and I learn how to cultivate it in a way that creates definition to my character.
I can only hope it continues to be the words behind the building blocks of my future.